If we are truthful with ourselves we’ve all done something that we wish we could change or said something that we wish we could swallow back. We are fallible creatures bound to make some mistakes along the life’s journey. So, how do we coupe with regrets? How can we turn our regretful moments to empowering moments as opposed to letting them debilitate us?
You’ll be surprised to learn that shifting from woo is me is simple yet not so simple. I love variety in my life, thus a constant grind can often seem too monotonous for me. That means I often make mistakes in this quest because I choose X over Y and then learn that Y could have been a much better choice… hindsight is 20/20 of course. Yes, I admit I used to be caught up in analysis paralyses but, I now see that the breakthrough came once I become aware of my ‘state’. By state I mean, simply being aware of what emotions rule my mind constantly, and this has helped me shift focus swiftly. This technique is very empowering if you can train your mind to think Lessons and Not Regrets.
To realize this though, you must be willing to acknowledge that you aren’t perfect and none of those around you are either. Sorry to bust your bubble but no one is perfect. This awareness gives you and I the room to afford ourselves and others the grace to see things from a completely different perspective. For example, if someone says something mean to me, I often will choose to discount their words by asking myself this question, why would he/she say that? Then, in seeking the answer I consider that they don’t know any better. Think about it, if they truly understood that by being mean only puts a rift between them and I, and unless that is their desired outcome then, I am absolutely convinced they would not be mean. This may sound silly but it is so powerful and invariably helpful in that it allows me to:
- Not take offense
- Not harbor bitterness within
- Seek to look at the issue from a differently perspective
- Give me fresh insights on the matter and an edge especially if I want to continue my relationship with the person because I now know how to relate with them from then onwards.
- Resolve the conflict if and when I need to call that person on the matter.
Take for instance, regrets like “I wish I’d taken that offer.” “I should have been more careful before sending that email.” “I could have been more patient”. The moment I realize I am in the funk state, I quickly acknowledge and own the issue at hand, then make a mental note to demand a higher standard to hold myself by moving forward. And by anchoring my mind with this thought—and often saying it out loud, “Now I know what I should have done… I will do better next time.” Other times, I simply acknowledge I’m a fallible creature and being upset or regretful only means that I am assuming to be an infallible being which I know too well I am not (this is the most sobering and most effective).
Let’s face it, regrets stifles progress, and leads to paralysis. However, no one wants to do something if it reminds them of pain and hurts. Learn to forgive yourself, be graceful to yourselves because if you do not, no one else will. And lastly, always let your regrets turn to lessons learned, and allow the wisdom of that moment to motivate you to be a better you—leading to better business, better life and ultimately better results!
